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Can You Ever Stop Loving Someone? - What You Need To Know

How To Get Over Someone | By: Katie Lister

April 17, 2024

How do you unlove someone you genuinely love? Is it possible to completely stop having feelings of love for your ex? How long does it take to stop loving someone after a breakup? Can you ever stop loving someone you truly love? Why can’t I stop loving someone? Looking for answers to these questions? This article has all the answers you need about how to stop loving someone. 

Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. I lead personal development groups and coach women to live their best lives authentically. Growth Gals provides a safe space for women to connect with like-minded individuals, learn, and offer support to one another.

Growth Gals works to provide safe spaces where women feel free to discuss various topics related to everyday issues relatable to women. These include mental health, emotional intelligence, finding one’s life’s purpose, personal development, and navigating complex relationships. In this article, I will answer the question, can you even stop loving someone? 

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Katie Lister

Katie Lister

Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio

Why It Is Hard to Stop Loving Someone

After a romantic love breakup, a common wish amongst ex-lovers is to stop having feelings for their former partners as fast as possible. However, if you truly love your ex-partner, your love for them is not a switch you can turn off. Falling out of love requires time and deliberate effort on your part. 

The end of a relationship introduces grief into your life. Like any other loss, you have to go through the stages of grief as part of your healing journey from the ended romantic relationship.

Even after going through the grieving process and seemingly moving on with your life, you may find that you still find it hard to stop loving your ex and wonder, ‘Can you ever stop loving someone?’

It is not easy to stop loving someone completely. This is because emotions are often complicated and deeply ingrained in human psychology. When you experience true love, a brain process takes place that involves different brain chemicals, neurotransmitters, and hormones. These changes form the feeling of bonding and attachment with a lover. 

When an unhealthy or healthy relationship ends or you experience unrequited love, a brain reset takes a while. For a while, the brain continues to produce these feel-good chemicals associated with being in love, which may explain why you still have lingering feelings for your ex even after breaking up. On top of the mental chemical process, the brain may try to hold on to the bond you formed with your ex, the experiences you shared and the memories you made as a coping mechanism post-breakup. All these aspects make it harder for you to stop loving your ex. 

Here is another helpful guide on how to deal with a breakup when you still love them

Science shows that the changes in hormones and brain chemicals when people fall in and out of love are similar to the changes felt from active drug addiction and withdrawal from an addiction. This explains why breakups suck. It also explains why most people find themselves in the on-again-off-again cycle in relationships because the brain keeps wanting to go back to the part of your life that gave it the most ‘high,’ which was when you were in love. This can sometimes make it feel like you are struggling to fall out of love with your ex. 

Other reasons that may be making it hard for you to stop loving your ex can include:

  • You got too used to having your love interest around
  • You still see them as perfect in your eyes
  • You take all the blame for the breakup 
  • You are still making them a primary focus in your life
  • You dread the thought of a possible new future relationship 

So, can you ever stop loving someone? The simple answer is yes. While many writings on love explain why it is impossible to stop loving someone, the truth is that It is possible to stop loving someone. However, for this to happen, deliberate effort is required. 

How Do You Stop Loving Your Ex

 

Accept the situation for what it is 

Can you ever stop living someone? You may be finding it hard to stop loving your ex because you have not accepted that your relationship is over. The first step to falling out of love with them is to come to terms with the fact that your romantic journey is over. Accept that the person may not want to be with you anymore. While this may be a difficult reality to face, it is an essential part of moving on from a one-sided love

Feel the feelings 

Breakups are hard. There are many emotions involved, including disappointment, anger, and even feelings of missing your ex long after you break up with him. Going through the emotional rollercoaster after a breakup is an important step when it comes to healing. Remember, just because you may feel like you miss them does not mean you must act on these feelings. All this is part of the letting go and moving on process. 

Enforce the no-contact rule 

Part of the reason you are still in love with your ex may be that you still have them in your life. However, remaining in contact with your ex can make healing much harder for you.

Delete their contact information, unfriend and unfollow them on social media, and avoid situations that increase the chances of bumping into them. Unfortunately, this sometimes includes cutting off contact with mutual friends. 

If the situation does not allow you to go 100% no-contact, you should minimize your communication as much as possible, focusing solely on why you need to remain in touch. 

Also, consider deleting and removing everything that reminds you of them. 

Focus on your personal growth and well-being 

Caring for your well-being includes giving yourself the resources, time and space needed to experience self-growth. This can mean different things to different people. For some, it may consist of taking up new hobbies, investing in self-care, rekindling your love for old hobbies, investing in physical fitness and self-awareness, going back to school, applying for a new job, seeking counsel from a professional mental health provider, journaling, spending quality time with loved ones, and even spending quality alone time.

Focusing on self-improvement will ensure you give yourself the tools to heal your broken heart and determine what you need in your next new relationship and new partner. 

Find closure 

A common reason people stay in love with their exes is a lack of closure after a relationship ends. Sometimes, you spend weeks or months trying to make sense of the breakup, especially if your ex was the one who ended things. Finding closure even when you do not understand the breakup will allow you to move past the ended relationship. 

With closure, you can start letting go of the intense feelings you have for your ex. 

Avoid isolating yourself

The first time after a difficult heartbreak, it is normal to want to curl up in a dark place and just disappear from real life. Isolation feels comforting when you are heartbroken. However, that is a very dangerous place to be. During this time, you must lean on support from family members, best friends, a close friend or other loved ones. Surrounding yourself with love and spending time with people who bring you comfort and peace can be very beneficial to your healing journey.

They also create safe spaces to express your emotions and thoughts, which is necessary when moving on. 

Seek professional help

Breakups are hard for the brain, too. After a breakup, you may experience mental health challenges like anxiety or depression as you try to stop loving your ex and move on. Taking care of your mental health is very critical during this time. Online therapy or physical therapy is highly recommended. Seeing a mental health professional or therapist will make it easier for you to process your emotions in a healthy way and make sense of things as you try to heal. 

Are you looking for advice on how to amicably end a marriage? Here is a helpful guide on how to leave your husband

How Growth Gals Can Help You Navigate Post Breakup Blues

Taking active steps to try and stop loving your ex is not an easy decision to make. It is certainly not a journey to walk alone. Our aim at Growth Gals is to provide a safe space where women can come together and get the support they need as they navigate different life seasons, including heartbreaks. We also strive to inspire women to reach their full potential as we create positive change. We support women with the resources to discover their true selves and expand their knowledge base on various issues, including unloving exes. 

Subscribe to the Growth Gals newsletter to access trending news, resources, and helpful guides for women and learn more about how we can support you through your journey.

Can You Ever Stop Loving Someone? The Bottom Line 

Can you ever stop loving someone? While love is a complicated emotion, human beings are capable of falling in love and falling out of love. While it may take time, it is possible to stop loving your ex. Following the tips highlighted in this post can go a long way in making the process easier. Also, surrounding yourself with a supportive network of like-minded individuals on platforms like Growth Gals can be one of the best steps to take as you recover from the end of your relationship. 

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