How to Deal with A Breakup When You Still Love Them

How To Get Over Someone | By: Katie Lister

April 16, 2024

How do you move on from someone you love? How do you recover from a breakup with someone you still love? What is the healthiest way to get over a breakup and broken heart? Read on to find all the answers on how to deal with a breakup when you still love them.

Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. I lead personal development groups and coach women to live their best lives authentically. Growth Gals provides a safe space for women to connect with like-minded individuals, learn, and offer support to one another.

A big part of my work in these support groups involves creating safe spaces where women feel free to discuss various issues that affect the everyday lives of women, such as mental health, emotional intelligence, finding your life’s purpose, personal development, and navigating relationships and breakups while still in love. In this article, I will talk about how to deal with a breakup when you still love them.

Katie Lister

Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio

Breaking Up While You Still Love Them

While love is the main reason most people get into relationships, love alone is never enough to sustain a relationship. Being in love with someone does not mean that the relationship is healthy or working. Many other factors impact the quality of a relationship. These include the quality of communication, how committed two people are to the relationship and compatibility.

One of the most commonly asked questions is why individuals who seem to love each other choose to go their separate ways. Being in a loving, healthy relationship and feeling disconnected from your partner is possible. This is also a valid reason to break up with him.

Other times, you may be in love with the wrong person. Perhaps they don’t love you back the way you would want to be loved, they do not want you as much as you want them, or they are abusive towards you. No matter how much you love this person, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away.

If you are having a difficult time in your relationship and realize a pattern of repeating issues in the relationship without any progress towards resolving them, this, too, can be a good reason to separate. This is especially true if you have consistently tried to work on these issues with your spouse to no avail.

Another common reason people walk away from an ex-partner they love is when their needs are not met in the relationship. While your partner cannot cater to your every need, it is essential for both individuals in a relationship to find the relationship fulfilling. If your partner is unwilling to make changes to accommodate or meet your essential needs in the relationship, sometimes ending things may be the best thing to do, especially if you have consistently made your needs clear to them.

Other reasons that prompt people to breakup with people they love include:

A breach of trust
Sexual incompatibility
Cultural or religious incompatibility
Conflicting views on finances
Mental health issues that negatively impact the relationship
Long-standing resentment towards your partner
Growing apart
Not being able to be fully yourself in the relationship
The relationship has been on-again-off-again for a while

Once you realize you want to end a relationship with someone you still love, you need to be able to answer a few fundamental questions:

Am I staying out of fear of being alone?
Can I find someone better suited?
Am I hoping this person changes?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then it may be best to consider moving on with your life even when you still love each other.

Are you thinking about leaving your spouse but do not know where to start? This comprehensive guide on how to leave your husband has all the answers.

Tips On How to Deal with A Breakup When You Still Love Them

Breaking up with someone can be mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. The fact you still love them can make the experience more challenging. Once you finally realize that breaking up is best for you, learning how to deal with a breakup when you still love them is the next thing you have to do.

Knowing what you need to do to move past the heartbreak can make the process of moving on easier. Here is how to deal with a breakup when you still love them.

Go through the grieving process

The mind processes the end of a relationship as grief. Therefore, experiencing a sense of grief over the loss of your relationship is a normal psychological response. Separating from someone who occupies a significant part of your life can take a toll on you, including your mental health.

It would help if you allowed yourself to grieve the end of your shared dreams, goals and ideas about sharing a future. Giving yourself time to grieve will enable you to feel and express your disappointment, sadness and anger, which are all emotions connected to the grieving process.

Find a support system

After a breakup with someone you love, having a supportive network can go a long way in making the healing process easier. Your best friend, close friends, or family members can provide the support and comfort you need during this challenging period. Do not be afraid to ask for support.

If the breakup seems to take a toll on your mental health, you should consider seeing a mental health professional or relationships counselor to help process your feelings and any negative thoughts post-breakup.

Focus on self-care

Since you were in your past relationship for a while, it is possible you lost your sense of self as your life intertwined with your ex’s. Once the relationship is over, some people find it hard to regain their sense of self-worth in their new life.

During this time, it is important to start taking deliberate steps toward regaining those parts of yourself you may have lost during the relationship. This can mean finding new hobbies, doing the things you always wanted to do, spending more time with loved ones, advancing your career by applying for a new job or simply taking dancing or cooking classes.

Taking time to focus on personal growth will boost your self-esteem and give you other things to focus on and spend your time on. This will ultimately make moving on easier.

For the first time, see the relationship for what it was

After a breakup, it is not uncommon for a lot of people to obsess over the good times in the relationship. This is often a coping mechanism often fueled by the sense of loss they are experiencing and missing the person they were with. An objective look at the ended long term relationship allows you to see it for what it was, including all the red flags you ignored. The fact that it had to end means that it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. It also means there was enough conflict of ideas and issues to warrant an ending.

Looking at the former relationship objectively can help affirm your decision for letting go, making the healing process easier.

Determine what your needs are

Relationships mostly end because, at some point, there were a lot of negative feelings because of unmet needs. Now that you are single, this is the best time to determine your needs and set boundaries for the next relationship, including determining your non-negotiables.

Since you already know what went wrong, it is easier to determine what your needs are for your new partner. This will make it easier for you to communicate your needs and wants in the next relationship.

Do not keep your former partner in your life

One of the worst things people in love do after they break up with their significant other is wanting to remain in each other’s life. While it is possible to remain friends with your ex, this step should come after you have had time away from them to heal and recover from the breakup.

As much as you may want to, the only way to give yourself a fair chance of moving on and stopping to love your ex romantically is by enforcing the no-contact rule immediately after the breakup. Sometimes, the no-contact rule can be extended to mutual friends too even for a short term, as this reduces the chances of bumping into your ex on social settings post breakup.

Unfollow and unfriend them on social media, delete their contact information from your phone, and delete all emails. Not having contact with them is essential to the healing process and your well-being.

Can you ever stop living someone? Find out here.

How Growth Gals Can Help You Deal with A Breakup from Someone You Still Love

One of the most hurtful experiences in life is breaking up with someone you still love. After the end of a romantic relationship, surrounding yourself with people who understand can be helpful. Our aim at Growth Gals is to provide a safe space where women can come together and get the support they need as they navigate different life seasons. We also strive to inspire women to reach their full potential as we create positive change. We support women with the resources to discover their true selves and expand their knowledge base on various issues, including navigating relationships and moving on after a breakup.

Subscribe to the Growth Gals newsletter to access trending news on various topics, resources, and helpful guides for women and learn more about how we can support you in your healing journey.

The Bottom Line

Acknowledging that your relationship has come to an end can cause a lot of emotional and mental stress. It is important to remember that this stage will eventually pass, no matter how difficult it may be. With the tips highlighted in this article, you know better how to deal with a breakup when you still love them. Finding a supportive community of fellow women like Growth Gals can go a long way in making moving on easier.