Friendship Breakup - Everything You Need To Know
Personal Development Guides | By: Katie Lister
January 25, 2024
What is a friendship breakup? How can I cope after a friendship breakup? How do I heal from a breakup with my best friend? Can I save my friendship? If these are the things you are worrying about, you are in the right place.
Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. This is a supportive network where women can find reliable advice for everyday life issues and challenges affecting women. The end of friendships is one such issue.
When a platonic friendship ends, it can be as painful as a romantic relationship. This article will tell you everything you need to know about what to do when a friendship ends and how to heal.
Table of Contents
Katie Lister
Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Health Coach, Group Facilitator, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio
Friendship Breakup-What Is It?
A friendship breakup ends a platonic relationship between two friends with a close emotional connection. Just like romantic relationships, a friend breakup causes emotional trauma and feelings of sadness, loss, and grief.
When friends separate, it could be for many different reasons, depending on their unique circumstances. It could be anything from disagreements to changes in circumstances. A breakup healing process involves emotional upheavals, and you need coping mechanisms.
What Causes Friendship Breakups?
Sometimes, friendships last for a lifetime or are temporary. Sometimes, even best friends breakup. Friendships ending, such as:
Over-Communication
It’s normal to love your friends and want to communicate constantly. Friendships have different dynamics; some prefer communicating constantly during the day. Some may, however, need space and talk less often, depending on their personalities.
Some people prefer space and find constant communication draining. You need to maintain boundaries when communicating with a friend. Know their personality, and don’t over-communicate, regardless of your closeness. Be a good friend and be kind. Understand when your friend cannot talk to you for whatever reason.
Lack of empathy
Empathy is when you understand what someone is going through and see things through their eyes. Sympathy is feeling sorry for something that happened. Try to be empathetic by seeing things from their perspective and offer your support.
A friendship with zero empathy can become a toxic relationship. Toxicity does not have balance and causes individuals to always tiptoe around each other. An unhealthy friendship may be difficult to point out, and you may not realize you are in one. If your friend makes rude jokes about your looks, weight, or clothes and constantly puts you down, this is a toxic friendship.
Lack of communication
Just as over-communicating can ruin a friendship, so can lack of communication. Not talking enough means you are never there for each other, and over time, you may drift apart. While quality time as an adult can be tricky because of work and other commitments, communicating keeps the relationship healthy. If you are too busy to find time for each other, the friendship will eventually die.
Being too controversial
It’s possible to be friends with someone with whom you have different religious or cultural beliefs or from different social circles. The only time beliefs may lead to losing friends is when moral values differ. If one of you keeps poking fun at the other’s beliefs or bringing up unhealthy arguments on controversial subjects, the friendship may end.
Betrayal
You and your friend trust each other with your deepest secrets. If one of you betrays that trust, the friendship will end. Friendships end when one friend gossips about another, tells their secrets to mutual friends, and the other finds out.
Not being there for a friend during a trying time, like the death of a family member, dating a friend’s ex, and other issues can cause a rift in a friendship. Sometimes, you can rebuild the lost trust, but most times, it is too painful, and the friendship ends. Some long–term relationships, like a twenty-year-old friendship, may be worth saving. If they are new friends, most people prefer ending the friendship. It’s better to end a friendship as soon as you see red flags, rather than ignore them and get hurt later.
Want to learn how to stop obsessing over a lost friendship? This article tells you how.
How do I Know A Friendship Is Over?
Friendships may last a lifetime, but it’s not a guarantee. Some signs that it’s over and you must move on include:
Lack of boundaries
A close friendship should have healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries protects your friendship and your physical and mental health. When your friend disrespects your boundaries, the relationship is dead.
The lack of respect shows they do not value or care about your needs. Disrespecting your space and needs leads to conflict, which inevitably strains the friendship. If you have tried addressing the issue, but nothing has changed, it’s clear they do not have your interests at heart.
You feel drained
When connecting with a close friend, you should feel nourished and happy. Hanging out with a friend positively impacts your self-esteem and general well-being. If you feel drained whenever you spend time with a friend, it’s a sign to end the relationship. If the friend always complains or talks about themselves and never listens to you, the friendship is one-sided and needs re-evaluation.
Negative influence
Any friend who is always encouraging you to indulge in overly unhealthy habits such as alcohol or drug use, skipping work, or neglecting self-care is not a true friend. Friends should support each other and want the best for each other.
If you find that spending time with this friend means you do things you regret, it is time to cut ties. From time to time, friends may indulge in unhealthy habits like going out and getting drunk, but if it becomes an uncontrollable pattern, it’s clear that friendship is not beneficial.
Lack of interest
Friendships may last or not. If you have a common interest that binds you together, like a job or club, one of you may move on. If your friend seems to have moved on and seems reluctant to meet or talk on the phone, that friendship may be over, which is normal. While losing a friend, especially losing a best friend, can be heartbreaking and difficult, it is best to try moving on and find new friendships and hobbies.
Are Friendship Breakups Normal?
Research tells us that up to seventy percent of tight friendships and fifty-two percent of our social networks end after seven years. When we think about friendships, we never expect them to be complete as we subconsciously think friendships are forever.
Friendships end all the time. It’s quite normal to be friends with someone one day and the next you are not. Most people take it as a personal failure because friendships ending is not something society ever talks about.
Most friendships, unlike romantic relationships, have no real definition. What exactly do you want or expect from your friendships?. Just like in a romantic relationship, there has to be clear definition of what is needed from each partner in a friendship.
The lack of a proper relationship definition in a friendship makes it harder to express your needs, which leaves room for betrayals, breaches of trust, resentment, and disappointments. When a friendship ends, we feel ashamed. There is an intense sense of loss and grief over the break. However, society does not empathize or show compassion like in romantic breakups, yet a friendship is more intimate and more long-term than a romantic relationship. Remember that feeling bad and wondering if you could have been a better friend is normal.
What to do When A Friend Dumps You
Your best friend has dumped you and now has become your former friend. You are going through a heartbreak, and you need to heal. Here are some tips on what to do after a friend dumps you.
Understand it’s normal to feel a sense of loss
The loss of a friendship can be very painful. You may feel guilty that maybe you did not do enough. Remember that friendships can end naturally, and this was not your fault.
You may feel the need to grieve, and that is okay. You will go through a grieving process after a friendship breakup. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.
Evaluate what happened
You should not obsess or ruminate over the end of the relationship. Evaluate the friendship and why it ended and see if it is something you can avoid in the future. Knowing this, you can become a better friend. If it was nothing you did or did not do and it’s all on your friend, then accept their decision and move on.
Do activities alone or with a group
If you like to do solo activities, read a book, exercise, take up a hobby, or join a group of like-minded people. You can look for friend groups that comprise people looking for deeper connections.
Give yourself some time
Healing from a breakup depends on you and the circumstances. Most experts recommend you give yourself a year to adjust to the lost friendship slowly and in a healthy way.
Learn how to stop being friends with someone here.
Coping And Healing From A Friendship Breakup
How do you cope and heal from the loss of a long-term friendship? It is not going to be easy, but it’s possible with the following:
Recognize the pain
Grief over the loss of a friend is nothing to be ashamed of. The pain of a breakup is as valid as a romantic breakup. You shared practically everything with this friend and shared all your deepest fears. The loss of the connection and intimacy hurts, so recognize the pain before you start to heal. Unresolved hurt leads to resentment and may lead to mental disorders like clinical depression or anxiety.
Practice self-care
Take care of yourself and avoid moping. It’s easier said than done, but you must get out and do something. Remember to do everything you used to do before the breakup. Seek mental health assistance and therapy as this can help with the grieving process. Get enough sleep, and eat healthy foods.
Do the things you enjoy, like listening to music, doing your hair and nails, going to the spa, etc. It’s self-care if it makes you feel good.
Stop obsessing
Stop obsessing over the past to the point where it blocks your happiness. Delete all your texts between you and your friend. Unfollow them on social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok to avoid seeing them all the time.
Confide in someone you trust, like another friend or a loved one, about the lost friendship. A breakup with a friend leaves a huge void. Communicate your needs to your loved ones so they know how to support you.
Ensure the friend you vent to is not mutual to avoid distortion of information or discomfort. Talking to someone allows you to process the breakup. If you have no one to talk to, consider talking to a mental health professional. A clinical psychologist will help you find closure and offer insights you can use with future friends.
Create new memories and habits
You might tend to stick to familiar habits with a close friend. Some friendships may make you stick to the familiar. Some things you love doing or places you frequented may remind you of your former friend. Use the breakup to explore and create new memories and habits. Take that trip to New York or Brazil you have always wanted and create new memories!
Growth Gals Can Help After A Friendship Breakup!
Attention to all the incredible women out there looking to improve themselves. Are you searching for a way to tap into your authentic self? Look no further than Growth Gals, a supportive community of like-minded women who can help you get through your friendship breakup.
Follow @growthgals_ on Instagram to stay updated on our goal-setting journals, coaching, and support groups. Be sure to check out our newsletter for the latest tips and tricks on personal growth. Join us now and start your journey towards learning how to heal from a friendship breakup!
In Conclusion
The end of a friendship is heartbreaking, especially if it is a long-term relationship. You have shared a lot with this friend over the years and are heavily invested in the friendship. You must go through a grieving and healing process to heal and get used to the loss.
Recognizing your pain is the first step to healing. Take care of yourself and continue doing the things you love. In the process, you may meet others with whom you form lasting friendships. Join groups like Growth Gals, and you will make new friends!
