Is My Boyfriend a Narcissist - All The Telltale Signs To Look Out For

April 06, 2024

Is my boyfriend a narcissist? Does my boyfriend’s insecurity mean he is a narcissist? Can a narcissist fall in love? Can my narcissistic boyfriend change? You are in the right place if you have these questions and more!

Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. I lead personal development groups and coach women to live their best lives authentically. Growth Gals provides a safe space for women to connect with like-minded individuals, learn, and offer support to one another.

At GG, we discuss issues affecting everyday lives of women, such as emotional intelligence, relationship issues and mental health. This article will give you all the information you need to know if your boyfriend is a narcissist.

Katie Lister

Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio

Warning Signs That Your Boyfriend is a Narcissist

In this social media era, it is common for the word narcissist to be thrown around when referring to an overly selfish individual. When a man is too preoccupied with his self-image, constantly posting photos on his Instagram page or incessantly talking about himself, they may be termed as narcissistic.

However, true narcissists have a mental health condition known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). According to the criterion set forth by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose NPD.

Some common characteristics associated with narcissism include an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing to be superior to everyone else, and expecting preferential treatment.

When it comes to dating, determining whether your partner is a narcissist can be difficult. To know if your boyfriend is a narcissist, some of the warning signs you should pay attention to include:

He love-bombed you into the relationship

Your boyfriend may have seemed perfect initially, showering you with compliments, gifts, or attention. He said he loved you, but you felt it was too soon. Love bombing is one among the many narcissistic manipulation tactics. The narcissist quickly reels you into the relationship before you have time to notice his flaws. By the time you realize who he is, you are in too deep.

He is too vain

In the beginning, his confidence attracted you. Now, you realize he is arrogant and a brag. He wants to be the center of all conversations, belittles you and others, and is constantly seeking admiration, praise, and validation.

He does not support you

A narcissist is incapable of caring or relating to the feelings and needs of other people. When you need him, and he is never available to offer support or reassurance, you are probably dating a narcissist.

Oversharing

One of the red flags of narcissism is if your boyfriend is an oversharer and shares intimate details about his life as soon as you meet. To top it off, the narcissist swears that you are the only person he has trusted with this information.

Preoccupied with success

Your boyfriend is overly ambitious and obsessed with becoming successful, wealthy, and powerful. This is often a sign associated with grandiose narcissism. A grandiose narcissist is overly preoccupied with delusions of grandeur and is more interested in his ambitions than in you.

Are narcissists born or made? This article has all the answers.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and a manipulation tactic. The narcissist distorts the truth and makes you question your sanity. The narcissist will deny an event took place to make you start questioning whether it really happened or was it only in your imagination.

Controlling

When dating a narcissist, they will use silent treatment to control, punish, or indirectly say they are unhappy with something you did or said. It’s a form of manipulation and can impact you emotionally and psychologically. Other controlling signs you may be going through in narcissistic abuse include jealousy, possessiveness, and isolation from friends and family members.

Are Narcissists Capable Of Falling in Love?

Narcissists can love, but their love is often superficial, and only lasts for as long as you can supply their narcissistic supply. They can develop strong emotional attachments and even appear to love someone. However, they have zero empathy for the person they claim to love. The relationships are tumultuous, and they only care about their own needs.

Healthy relationships involve giving and receiving from both partners. A narcissist is selfish to the core and can never put anyone else’s needs before theirs. Their lack of empathy means a narcissist has no emotional capacity to appreciate, respond, and acknowledge your feelings. He views people as tools and a means to an end.

Romantic relationships with a narcissist are transactional, and as long as he gets something out of it, he does not care who he hurts. When he can no longer milk any benefits from the relationship, he moves on to the next narcissistic supply source.

A narcissist thinks of love as something you owe him and, thus, his sense of entitlement. This entitlement gives rise to a one-sided relationship where he is the recipient. Narcissists expect their partners to shower them with affection and attention constantly. The narcissist always expects you to do his bidding, and he gets angry when you don’t do things to their liking, expecting you to change to suit him.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Boyfriend

Being in a relationship with a male narcissist is frustrating and hurtful. If you have a narcissistic boyfriend, he may not be aware of his behavior. He could also be aware and not have the desire to correct them. You can take action to safeguard your mental health and well-being by doing a few things.

Don’t react

A true narcissist thrives on getting an emotional reaction from you. While it may seem natural to react with hurt, anger, or shock, this only empowers the narcissist. Keep steering the conversation back to the current issue to prevent the narcissist from dominating the conversation and triggering you to react.

Avoid confrontations

Narcissists are hypersensitive to criticism and take it as an attack. Calling out a narcissist works against you by triggering their anger. Try to frame negative feedback as a compliment.

Set boundaries

Narcissists disregard boundaries and will cross them while taking offense when you disregard their boundaries. Set limits and firmly maintain them. Lay down what you will and will not accept in the relationship.

Refuse to take the blame

Narcissists are good at the blame game when things don’t go their way. Do not accept blame for anything that is not your fault.

Seek therapy

Narcissistic abuse can sometimes be covert, and sometimes, you may not even realize you are going through narcissistic abuse. If you start questioning your self-worth and self-esteem, it’s time to seek therapy from a licensed therapist. You can seek help from a trained psychotherapist in person or online on platforms like BetterHelp.

Know when to exit

Narcissists can manipulate and deceive others using tactics like gaslighting. If you feel lost or confused, a break up may be the only way to free yourself. If he is mentally, emotionally or physically abusive, your wellness should come first. The best way to protect yourself is by considering to leave the relationship. Rarely does a relationship with a narcissist end well for the person on the receiving end of the abuse.

The Downside of Dating a Narcissistic Man

Dating a narcissist has several downsides:

He erodes your self-esteem

In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist will often demean, belittle, and criticize you, leading to low self-esteem. Over time, this chipping at your self-esteem makes you doubt your self-worth, negatively affecting how you view yourself.

You have difficulty setting boundaries

When a narcissist continuously violates your boundaries, it becomes harder for you to assert your boundaries. You become timid and can’t assert your rights and needs.

You have the wrong perception of relationships

Dating a narcissist distorts your perception of love and healthy relationships. You understand love and relationships as conditional instead of based on love, friendship, and mutual respect.

Feeling isolated

A narcissist will isolate you from your friends and family to control you, leaving you feeling unsupported and alone.

You become hyper-vigilant

When you often walk on eggshells around your partner, you become hyper-vigilant, which means you are always alert for any issues. This constant vigilance is exhausting and impacts your physical and mental health.

You start self-blaming

A narcissist is good at shifting blame and making you feel responsible for any problem in the relationship. Blame shifting causes you to lose self-confidence, blame yourself, and feel guilty for things you should not.

Can A Narcissistic Boyfriend Change?

A narcissistic boyfriend can change if he accepts he has a problem and agrees to seek help from a qualified psychotherapist.

Narcissistic traits like a grandiose sense of self-importance, hypersensitivity to criticism, and self-centeredness make the narcissist unwilling to change. They believe they are not the problem, but others are, making it almost impossible to convince them that they need help.

He may decide to change when his narcissistic behavior no longer elicits the emotional reaction or the attention he wants.

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Is My Boyfriend a Narcissist? How Growth Gals Can Help

Our aim at Growth Gals is to inspire women to reach their full potential. We also strive to create positive change by giving women the resources to discover their true selves and expand their knowledge base on various issues, such as emotional intelligence, mental health topics such as narcissism, as well as interpersonal relationships.

Growth Gals helps women overcome obstacles and make informed decisions. We also help them connect with other women with similar values and experiences. Subscribe to the Growth Gals newsletter to access resources and helpful guides for women. Learn more about how we can support you if you have a narcissistic boyfriend.

Is My Boyfriend a Narcissist? Conclusion

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend is exhausting. He will say hurtful things and constantly demean and belittle you. You must set boundaries and deny him the opportunity to get his supply from you. A person living with narcissism can change, but only if he acknowledges the disorder and wants to change.