How to Not Be Insecure - A Guide
Emotional Awareness | By: Katie Lister
January 17, 2024
Why am I so insecure? How do I stop myself from being so insecure? Learn how to not be insecure in this article.
Hi, I am Katie Lister, a practicing Registered Nurse and also the founder of Growth Gals. If you are a woman who struggles with feeling insecure and want to know how to not be insecure, this article has all the information you need.
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Katie Lister
Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio
What Causes The Feeling Of Being Insecure?
Most people go through times when they feel insecure and feel they are not good enough. Sometimes, we worry about a lot of things, such as jobs or relationships, and grapple with feelings of inadequacy.
Insecurity stems from various experiences, and normally, it should go away. If the insecurity persists, you might end up battling mental health issues like depression. Causes of insecurity are many and varied, depending on your situation. These may include:
Adverse Childhood Experiences
Experts believe that most people’s insecurities stem from childhood difficulties and come from Bowlby’s attachment theory, which states that infants have an innate ability to form attachments, which serves as a survival mechanism.
This theory means that the relationships we have with our primary caregivers impact and influence our adult relationships. For instance, children who face erratic parenting have a harder time feeling secure and safe in relationships.
Uncertainty
Insecurity can come from your relationships or the events going on around you. For example, when living in unstable economic times, most people have job insecurity. If you experience a breakup, you may experience relationship insecurity.
Comparing Yourself to Others
When you compare yourself to others, you feel insecure, and it can be detrimental to your self-esteem. In today’s social media era, we consume a lot of fake and curated data that leaves us feeling socially inadequate. We start envying other people’s lives or physical features, which erodes our self-confidence.
Discrimination
You might face discrimination for different reasons like your race, skin color, economic status, sexual orientation, etc. This oppression leads to difficult experiences that may cause feelings of insecurity.
Learn how to process emotions here.
Signs Of Being Insecure
Some signs of being unconfident include:
Constant bragging
Some people exhibit signs of insecurity by constant bragging. They talk big about their accomplishments at work, financially, or in relationships. They always feel the need to convince themselves and others that they are worth it.
People pleasing
Insecure people might have a relentless desire to please people. These tendencies reflect a deep need for acceptance.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is the belief that you need to be perfect. It’s also the thought that for something to be perfect, you have to be the one doing it. The feeling that one has to be perfect at work, at home, or in relationships causes you to set higher bars than you can scale.
Seeking Reassurance
Insecurity also shows up in the form of seeking constant reassurance. In relationships, an insecure person may keep asking, “Do you love me?” “Are you angry with me?” “Did you miss me?” For those with body image insecurities, they may constantly ask, “How do I look?”
How Do I Overcome The Feeling Of Being Unconfident?
How insecure are you? Overcoming personal insecurity is possible if you put your mind to it. Here are some tips that can help:
Self-care
Insecurities come from a place of lack of a sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. Put yourself first and practice some self-love by making yourself the priority.
Give yourself some grace and extend to yourself some self-compassion. Self-care heals the inner parts of you that crave attention and care. Some self-care activities may include
- Exercising
- going out in nature, like taking long walks
- Eating healthy
- Getting enough sleep
- Engaging in creative activities like writing, drawing, painting, etc.
Gratitude Journaling
Writing is a powerful healing tool. Gratitude journaling can help you challenge your fears and negative thoughts. Remind yourself of what is good in your life, and dwell on your positives.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the ability to be self-conscious or present in the moment and aware of what we are doing and where we are without being overwhelmed or over-reactive by the events around us. Types of mindful practices include yoga, meditation, tai chi, etc.
These practices have been in existence for thousands of years, which proves that humans have always struggled with anxiety and insecurity. Incorporate these positive practices into your daily life routine, and they will become a habit.
Use Affirmations
Negative self-talk is the major culprit in insecurity. Use writing to counter negative thoughts by writing the negative thought down, then counter it with a positive one. Use affirmations to fight insecurities and tell yourself the good and encouraging things you would tell friends or loved ones.
How to Stop Feeling Insecure in Relationships
Insecurities in a relationship can stem from factors like lack of commitment by a partner, fear of losing interest, or past experiences of rejection. Securely attached adults have happy and healthy relationships.
They seek intimacy and trust, are trusted by others, and can work through challenges and cut ties when necessary. A person with an insecure attachment style may struggle to function independently, avoid relationships, or repeat patterns of disorganized behavior.
There are three attachment styles related to insecurity in relationships:
- Anxious
Those with anxious attachment styles crave love but fear they may never secure the emotional connection they desperately desire.
- Avoidant
People with avoidant attachment styles are emotionally distant due to unmet childhood emotional needs.
- Disorganized
Disorganized attachment is a pattern of anxious and avoidant behavior that can make it hard to have healthy relationships.
You must identify your attachment style before you start working on yourself and your relationship. Here are some ways you can try to stop feeling insecure:
Self-love
The main root of relationship insecurities is a lack of confidence and self-love. Trust is the rock of any relationship. If one partner has limiting beliefs, like thinking they do not deserve love or they are failures, they cannot trust fully.
Identify your limiting beliefs and work on them. Learn to put a stop to negative self-talk patterns and work on your self-confidence.
Learn effective communication
Effective communication is crucial in an insecure relationship. You have to learn how to communicate your feelings to your partner. Find out their communication style and connect with them at their level so that you can solve any problems.
This article will tell you everything you need to know on how to let go of anger.
Identify your insecurities
Take time to know who you are. Acknowledge and confront your insecurities by identifying their source. Transform them into more secure foundations by journaling or meditating.
Seek Therapy
Speak with a therapist, either alone or as a couple. A mental health professional like an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) can help you overcome your insecurities. An insecure attachment style can be improved with support.
Use online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for cost-effective and convenient support. Couples can use Regain, and you are assured of dealing with qualified professionals with qualifications like PsyD. Online therapy may help with moving on and healing after a divorce or breakup.
How Do I Stop Being Insecure About Myself And My Abilities?
How can you tell you are insecure? You will exhibit some of these signs:
- Self-consciousness and self-doubt
- Low self-esteem
- Yearning to be alone
- Perfectionism ( never satisfied with self)
- Blunted emotions (numbness)
- Anxiety or constant worrying
If insecurity affects your life, seek help from a mental health professional. Self-acceptance requires patience, but you can overcome insecurities with effort. Here are some tips to cope and stop being insecure:
Improve your social skills
Insecurity often stems from a need for more skills in social situations. You can improve your social skills by holding eye contact, improving your verbal communication, being positive, and paying attention to body language. You’ll gain confidence and feel more at ease around others with practice. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work to overcome your insecurities.
Take care of your physical health
It’s essential to take care of your physical health as it can positively impact your self-esteem. According to a 2016 study, regular physical activity can help improve your confidence levels. You can walk or dance to your favorite music to uplift your mood and boost your self-assurance.
Besides exercising, getting enough sleep and eating a balanced diet are essential to maintaining physical health. These small self-care practices can significantly influence your daily life and make you feel more secure.
Be kind to yourself
When you experience insecurity, you may start criticizing yourself. This criticism can impact your mental health and general well-being. Be kind to yourself and let your inner strength shine through slowly.
In the first place, working through insecurity can be difficult, so taking things slow and being proud of yourself for trying is best. Secondly, try challenging your negative self-talk by looking at the facts and questioning if your statement is true. Remember to be kind to yourself; it can make a big difference.
Learn more about insecurity
Knowledge is power. When you learn more about your situation, you can recognize the signs of insecurity even in others. As the saying goes, to be forewarned is to be forearmed. With this information, you will know how to deal with your insecurities.
You will also know how to deal with other people, such as family members, friends, or a partner. Read self-help books, choose a podcast that talks about insecurities and how to overcome them.
Growth Gals Can Help You Stop Feeling Insecure!
We are calling out to all women striving to become better versions of themselves! Are you seeking a means to explore and uncover your authentic self? Your search ends here with Growth Gals, a compassionate and encouraging community of like-minded women who can assist you in overcoming your insecurities.
Follow @growthgals_ on Instagram to stay updated on our journals, coaching, and support groups. Be sure to check out our newsletter for the latest tips and tricks on personal growth. Join us now and start the exciting journey towards self-improvement and overcoming your insecurities!
Finally
Everybody experiences moments where they feel doubt and inadequacy. However, these feelings should be temporary for those times you find yourself in unfamiliar situations.
If these emotions persist, you should evaluate yourself, follow the above tips, and seek physical or online therapy. You can also join a group like Growth Gals and become a more confident version of yourself!
