Is My Boyfriend Cheating? – The Tell-All Guide
Personal Development Guides | By: Katie Lister
May 01, 2024
Is my boyfriend cheating? What are the signs of a cheating boyfriend? How do I confirm if my boyfriend is cheating? What do I do when I discover my boyfriend is cheating? You are in the right place if you have these questions and more!
Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. I lead personal development groups and coach women to live their best lives authentically. Growth Gals provides a safe space for women to connect with like-minded individuals, learn, and offer support to one another.
It is so important that women have safe spaces to discuss various topics related to everyday issues that affect their lives such as mental health challenges and navigating relationships, and this is what GG is all about. This article will give you all the information you need to help you know if indeed your boyfriend is cheating.
Table of Contents
Katie Lister
Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio
Cheating and Relationships
Cheating or infidelity is when a person in a monogamous relationship has a sexual or emotional relationship with someone other than their partner without their partner’s knowledge or consent.
Also commonly referred to as infidelity, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to cheating. This is because different couples define cheating and how it would look like for their relationship differently. However, sexual cheating is the one act most couples agree to be cheating.
Other types of cheating as defined by different couples include:
Online affairs
In this digital era, meeting people worldwide and having an online affair is easy. These relationships involve sexual and intimate communication that includes texts, emails, video calls, and calls. The parties may be strangers who have never met and only know each other according to basic shared information.
Emotional infidelity
Emotional cheating happens when one becomes emotionally attached to someone else outside the committed relationship. Emotional infidelity involves making someone else your confidant instead of your partner. This form of infidelity can destroy a relationship, as women view emotional infidelity more seriously than sexual infidelity.
Physical affair without sex
Kissing or cuddling with someone else while you are in a committed relationship is a form of infidelity. The absence of sex in such a relationship does not make it less of a betrayal to the faithful partner.
The Signs of Cheating
If you have that gut feeling that your boyfriend is cheating, chances are you are looking for concrete proof to confirm your suspicions before confronting him. Here are a few tell-tale signs of cheating and warning signs to look out for:
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He is suddenly always unreachable
Is my boyfriend cheating? Do I have a cheating husband? If he was previously easily reachable on the phone at any time or certain times of the day or night, and suddenly, you can’t reach them, that’s a common red flag. While many reasons could be the cause of this, it is often a common sign when a person is cheating. A cheating partner often needs space and uninterrupted time.
If he is having an affair, he may be unreachable for long periods of time and with numerous unexplained absences. If this becomes a constant behavior, he may avoid talking to you on the phone in case you hear suspicious background noises that might give him away.
Changes in his schedule
If his predictable schedule goes through drastic changes for no apparent reason, he may be cheating on you. Suddenly, he has to work late, or stay out later without giving any sensible explanation. If your boyfriend has not changed jobs or has no project he is working on, this may be among the first signs of infidelity.
He is overprotective of his gadgets
An unfaithful boyfriend will become protective of his gadgets like a phone, laptop, or tablet. He may change his phone habits and start keeping his phone away from you. If he is not using his phone, he may keep it face down and suddenly start using phone lock codes or pins when he previously had none.
He stops picking up some calls in your presence, sneaking away to talk in private, or abruptly ends phone calls when you enter the room. He may get late-night or early-morning texts and calls, keeping his phone silent to prevent you from hearing notifications.
Renewed interest in his appearance
Self-care and good grooming are positive. It is ok for someone to want to look good and smell nice. However, very drastic and extreme changes may be a red flag, especially when accompanied by suspicious behavior. When your partner out of the blue becomes overly interested in his appearance, buys new clothes and shoes, changes his cologne, his hairstyle, or starts going to the gym when you know he hates it, he may have met someone new he wants to look good for. Take this as a sign when he gets dressed up often and gives excuses to stop you from accompanying him to wherever he is going.
I suspect my husband is cheating but I have no proof. Here is how to find out.
His friends are uncomfortable around you
Your boyfriend’s friends usually know about his infidelity long before you do. Some common signs include their attitude change towards you for no reason, or they start making up lies to cover up for his absence. They usually know what’s happening and this makes them uncomfortable around you.
If you have a gut feeling he is cheating but have no proof, here is what you can do.
Inconsistencies in expenses
It may be a red flag if you notice sudden inconsistencies in his spending habits. He may make large cash withdrawals or suddenly spends a lot of money on expensive dinners and dates without a solid explanation, or you may see significant credit card payments he can’t explain.
Decrease or increase in libido
It’s common for a cheater’s sex life to decrease because he is getting sex elsewhere, but sometimes it could be the opposite. His libido may increase, and he will initiate more sex out of guilt. Alternatively, he may want to make sex readily available for you to make you less suspicious of his cheating because most people don’t think people can cheat if sex is still regular in their relationship.
Nothing adds up
Cheaters get caught due to inconsistencies in their stories. Your boyfriend may say he is going to one place, but his explanations later don’t add up. Such people prefer not to say much and end up stonewalling you to avoid contradicting themselves.
It’s normal for two people in a healthy relationship to tell each other where they will be at any given time, with whom, and when to expect them home. When he starts dodging such questions and gives vague answers, or you discover they were not with whom they said they were with, your cheating suspicions may be valid.
He accuses you of cheating
When you raise your suspicions and he accuses you of cheating, he is out to gaslight you to doubt yourself. A cheating partner knows that these accusations will distract you from speaking up against him. Instead, you will focus more on defending yourself from his allegations. This situation also gives him a loophole, allowing him to demand for space to think, and more time with his lover.
He is extra interested in your schedule
Your boyfriend may suddenly start keeping tabs on your schedule, checking when you will or will not be home. He needs to know your schedule so he can know how to merge his cheating schedule with yours to make it harder for you to suspect. This way, he can ensure he is home when you are home or present when you need him.
He is emotionally distant and irritable
If your partner used to share his thoughts and feelings but suddenly stopped or became evasive, it’s a sign he has someone else to share his feelings with. He will avoid eye contact during conversations, enabling him to keep an emotional distance. He is also more irritable and prone to mood swings because he is edgy and constantly trying not to get caught.
Why do men cheat? This article has everything you need to know.
What to Do If You Find Out Your Boyfriend Is Cheating
Infidelity hurts profoundly and may be difficult to heal from. Here is what to do if you find out your boyfriend is cheating.
Allow yourself to grieve
Discovering your partner’s infidelity evokes a cocktail of emotions, including shock, disbelief, anger, and sadness. Give yourself time to process, but don’t hold in your feelings. Scream or cry because it allows you to heal.
Get support
Reach out to a trusted and supportive friend or a family member who will listen without judging or giving advice, as this may confuse you more. Avoid mutual friends or people close to your boyfriend to spare them the stress of picking sides.
Recognize it is not your fault
It was your loved one who decided to cheat, not you. He was committed to you and betrayed you, thus, you cannot and should not feel responsible for his actions.
Evaluate the situation
While it is difficult to make a firm decision, you need to evaluate the situation and your options. You need to know in what direction you will approach the cheating. Focus on how to cope and whether you are willing to forgive or move on.
Talk to your boyfriend
Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend and tell him you know about his cheating. He may deny his infidelity, but show him your proof and decide if you want to stay or leave. If you stay, lay down your terms and insist on couples therapy or another form or intervention to try and remedy the situation.
Accept the situation and take care of yourself
Accept what has happened and concentrate on self-care. Take care of your well-being and check on your physical, emotional, and mental health. Try to avoid comfort foods. Eat healthy and exercise, which is a mood enhancer. Get new hobbies to distract you and keep you busy.
Take a break
Consider taking a break if you are not ready to mend your relationship. During this time, you may choose not to stay in communication with him or live separately.
Can A Relationship Survive Cheating?
Infidelity causes loss of trust, instability, and conflict in a relationship. Recovery involves reflecting on what happened and why, and working together to heal and move forward. A relationship can survive cheating, but both partners must be willing to work through the consequences.
The betrayed person may experience depression, betrayal trauma, trust issues, and low self-esteem. The one who cheated needs to be honest about why he cheated, express remorse, and overcome his feelings of guilt and shame. Some of the factors that may affect the relationship’s survival include:
Your willingness to forgive
Forgiveness after cheating is tough, and you will feel anger, sadness, and pain. Your boyfriend should take responsibility, show genuine remorse, and be open about his actions. Both of you should try to rebuild trust and set new boundaries.
Communication
Open communication is crucial for recovery after infidelity. Practice honesty and patience, listen to each other, and set future expectations to avoid conflicts.
Time
Time heals most wounds. You need time to breathe, process, and start your healing journey. Recovery is an individual journey and could take months or years, there’s no set timeline.
You will need time to work through the various emotions. Your cheating boyfriend should be patient and committed to your recovery process. You will encounter setbacks along the way, but each step is a significant stride toward healing, no matter how small.
Moving On After He Cheats
After he cheats, life has to go on, no matter how you feel. How do you move on after this traumatic event?
Be realistic
You can’t magically erase the painful feelings caused by infidelity. You had fully invested in the relationship, and therefore you will need time to heal. It takes effort and setting realistic expectations to get through the heartbreak.
Allow yourself to mourn
It’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions as a necessary step in your healing journey. Allow yourself the time and space you need to wallow and cry when needed. Just don’t let it consume your everyday life.
Avoid the need to avenge
Anger may make you want your boyfriend to feel the pain and hurt you’re experiencing. You may experience the temptation to make him jealous or get your revenge by cheating. However, seeking revenge will only make things worse. The painful emotions won’t disappear because you sought revenge, so avoid the drama.
Seek therapy
Seek therapy to help you navigate the pain and the new relationship status if you decide to break up with him.
How Growth Gals Can Help If You Find Out Your Boyfriend Is Cheating
Our aim at Growth Gals is to inspire women to reach their full potential. We also strive to create positive change by giving women the resources to discover their true selves and expand their knowledge base on various issues, such as emotional intelligence and mental health.
Growth Gals helps women overcome obstacles and make informed decisions. We also help them connect with others with similar values and experiences. Subscribe to the Growth Gals newsletter to access helpful resources and guides for women. Learn more about how we can support you by signing up below, or reach out to us directly, to learn more about how to recognize when your boyfriend is cheating.
Is My Boyfriend Cheating? – Conclusion
A cheating boyfriend can destabilize your emotional and mental health. Learn how to recognize the subtle signs of infidelity and deal with the situation. Whether you decide to forgive him and try to mend the relationship or leave him for good, confirming your suspicion is the first step to take. This article had timely tips to help you know whether your man is cheating and what you can do after the fact. Joining a supportive community like Growth Gals will ensure you have the support you need as you go through this challenging period.
