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How to Leave Your Husband - A Guide

How To Get Over Someone | By: Katie Lister

April 14, 2024

What are ideal tips on how to leave your husband? Which is the best way to leave your husband? How do you tell your husband you want to separate? If you are looking for answers to these and more questions, this article is for you.

Hi, my name is Katie Lister. I am a practicing Registered Nurse and the founder of Growth Gals. I lead personal development groups and coach women to live their best lives authentically. Growth Gals provides a safe space for women to connect with like-minded individuals, learn, and offer support to one another.

Growth Gals works to provide safe spaces where women feel free to discuss various topics related to everyday issues relatable to women. These include mental health, emotional intelligence, finding one’s life’s purpose, personal development, and navigating complex relationships. In this article, I will highlight tips on how to leave your husband. 

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Katie Lister

Katie Lister

Written by Katie Lister, RN, BScN. An experienced Registered Nurse, Group Facilitator, Life Coach, and Community Leader. Read Katie's Full Author Bio

Why Most Marriages End in Divorce

As a woman, one of the most painful realities you can be confronted with is the fact that your marriage is over. You may have tried for years to make it work, sometimes bending over backwards to accommodate your spouse’s needs, trying to go to marriage counseling or seeing a marriage counselor. However, after years of trying, you feel you have come to your wit’s end and want to leave. 

While your marriage may have been unique to you and your spouse, the decision to want to leave your husband is not unique to you. When you peruse the pages of the internet, you will come across research, facts, studies and statistics about divorce. 

Different studies look into the other possible factors that contribute to marriage breakdown leading to divorce. According to statistics, women file for divorce more than men. Further studies show that at least 50% of all marriages in the United States end in separation or divorce. 

Some of the most common causes of divorce include:

Lack of commitment: This is a lack of desire to put effort into the marriage. Lack of commitment can manifest as a lack of compromise, poor communication, or the absence of concern for one another. 

A lot of conflict: Constant fighting in a marriage can signify the presence of underlying unaddressed issues or irreconcilable differences. Endless arguments that are difficult to resolve amicably are often a leading cause of divorce. 

Infidelity: A 2014 research shows that at least 20% of all marriages in the U.S. have faced at least one infidelity incidence. Infidelity causes feelings of anger, mistrust, betrayal and resentment, often leading to divorce. 

Marrying young: Couples who marry young often end up divorced when one individual grows and changes faster than the other. This causes a couple to grow apart because they differ in ideologies, life goals, interests, and even beliefs. 

Inequality: Ideally, a marriage is a partnership that only works when there is equality. Signs of inequality include one partner dominating all decision-making processes and double standards on different issues. 

Domestic violence: Any pattern of abusive behavior in the marriage is a form of domestic violence. It is much more than physical abuse. It can also manifest in the form of financial control, intimidation by a narcissist, social isolation, and even guilt-tripping.

Here are some tips on when to call it quits in a relationship

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Financial issues: Experiencing financial issues over a prolonged period in a marriage strains the marriage and causes stress. Financial issues can also stem from having a partner who is not financially responsible. Unresolved financial issues are a leading cause of divorce. 

Regardless of your reasons for calling it quits in your marriage, here are ideal tips on leaving your husband. 

How to Leave Your Husband – Preparing an Exit Strategy

It is advisable to start preparing your exit at least six months in advance. This gives you enough time to set yourself up for success once you leave. Prior planning is especially important if you are a full time stay-at-home mom with no source of income or someone in an abusive relationship. 

It would help to prioritize saving and getting your finances in preparedness for your new life. Financial dependence on a spouse is why most women are stuck in unhappy marriages. Financial preparedness before you leave will ensure you have the financial muscle to set up a new place for yourself and financially support yourself after leaving your husband. 

I love my ex, what should I do? Find the answers here. 

Steps Guide On How to Leave Your Husband 

Here are some immediate steps to take as soon as you decide to leave. 

Gather all important documents and keep records 

First, you should gather all essential documents in the marriage and make copies. This includes the marriage contract, your kid’s birth certificates, and titles to any property. Ensure you have a record of everything, including text messages, notes, and emails, even the most trivial ones. The more information you gather the easier things will be for you during the divorce process. 

Open a separate bank account 

Open an independent checking and savings account for yourself and start building your credit report. Start learning how to manage your financial situation. Consider a new budgeting method if you are expecting lifestyle or life change after the divorce. Having a bank account and managing your finances before you exit the relationship is significant if you are planning to leave your husband without any active source of income. 

Consult with a divorce attorney

Having a family law attorney on call is beneficial during this process. A good divorce lawyer can advise you on what you need to do during the separation and divorce process. They know about all the legalities involved, including things you haven’t thought of like spousal support, paying alimony, and even childcare after divorce. 

Think about the children (if any)

If you have children, you need to ensure you have what it takes to fight for joint custody or co-parenting. Again, speaking to your lawyer about the custody arrangements and child support situation will give you an idea of what to expect during the family court case and post-divorce. It would help if you had evidence to prove that you deserve equal custody, including financial means. 

Have an emotional support system 

It is essential to surround yourself with an emotional support system as you plan your exit. Having family members, close friends or a support group you can talk to can make the load easier to carry, and is important for your well-being. It would also help if you considered seeing a family therapist or mental health expert. This will ensure you remain emotionally and mentally grounded.

I want to break up with my boyfriend but I’m scared I’ll regret it. If this sounds like you, this article has the help you need.  

How to Tell Your Husband You Are Leaving 

Now that you have all the important aspects in order, you need to find a way to tell your spouse you are leaving them. No matter how done you are with the marriage, breaking the news to your husband is one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have. 

Ensure the kids are not home 

It is important to plan effectively for when to tell the kids. This should be done after you have communicated with your husband your desire to leave and agreed it’s best to part ways. Ensure you break the news to your husband without the kids present and give them all the time they need to process before breaking the news to the kids. 

Be direct but compassionate 

You have been planning your exit for months, meaning you are sure this is the best thing to do. The easiest way to break the news is by owning your decision and saying it directly. You do not have to explain why you want to leave at this time, but it is only fair to eventually tell them why you want to leave. 

Do it in person 

The only exception to this rule is if you fear for your safety. If your husband is abusive or has anger issues, you can use a lawyer to deliver the divorce papers and break the news to them. Otherwise, it is always better to break the news in person. 

How Growth Gals Can Help You Get Through the End of Your Marriage 

Deciding to finally leave your husband is not easy. Our aim at Growth Gals is to provide a safe space where women can come together and get the support they need as they navigate different life seasons. We also strive to inspire women to reach their full potential as we create positive change. We support women with the resources to discover their true selves and expand their knowledge base on various issues, such as navigating relationships, including divorce and separation. 

Subscribe to the Growth Gals newsletter to access trending news, resources, and helpful guides for women and learn more about how we can support you. 

The Bottom Line 

Knowing how to leave your husband is not always black and white for most people. It is especially difficult if you have been married for a long time and the marriage was healthy and happy for the most part. This article has highlighted the necessary steps to take to leave your husband. Following these steps will ensure you have an easier time through the separation and divorce.

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